The number of reported sexual abuse cases have dropped by more that 50% since the 1990’s. Are there less rapists residing in the United States or has the “rape culture” propagised abuse to be accepted as normal and acceptable bedroom practice? Have the guidelines of what constitutes rape changed because of this new shift into the “Grey” zone?
If it isn’t reportable is it still considered rape? The following are anonymous testimony’s of that grey area. Ask yourself “What constitutes rape?” I’ll leave the comments open for discussion.
-Lucille O’
― Angelina Jolie
1. “Is this rape?”
“I completely get if it doesn’t count as such, but it’s really started to bother me lately for some reason.” “ I just know it makes me feel violated and pathetic”
U/koshyyyy
Last summer after a rough heartbreak I began using tinder at the suggestion of my friends. I figured it was harmless and it could help me gain back my confidence. I met a guy who seemed friendly, polite, and was pretty cute. After a week or so of talking I decided to meet up with him one night. I stupidly decided to bring along marijuana edibles thinking it could help us relax and it would be fun. We both had them. After some awkward conversation we ended up at his place. Onto the actual sex.
I remember taking my own clothes off, obviously consenting and kissing him etc. But once I was naked it’s like a switch flipped. The edibles kicked in full force and I remember thinking I’d never taken edibles this strong and being kinda scared. This is so embarrassing but I was so high I became unable to move or talk, just unable to respond. So he got on top of me, I wasn’t even really wet but he shoved it in anyhow. It was just painful. He got up at one point and put his penis in my face trying to get me to blow him but I couldn’t even open my mouth or turn my head. So he just went back to fucking me. He would try to get me to change positions but I just couldn’t move. Every time he would just resume having sex with me.
After struggling to put my clothes back on, he walked me to his basement door and shut it behind me. I limped back to my car and drove erratically the entire way home. I’m so ashamed to admit that, I could’ve hurt people. Once home I realized I was bleeding..
The worst part is that I continued seeing him after as a fwb for some months! The sex wasn’t even great, I would only see him when I was lonely/sad. Who does that. I didn’t realize that what happened might’ve not been ok only after talking to another girl he did something similar to I feel like it was all my fault. It affected my sex life thereafter and mental health in general but I just tried to forget. I put myself in harms way. If I’d have been sober I could’ve protected myself. I could’ve told him to please be gentle. He was nice I think he would’ve listened, maybe he didn’t know I was in pain? For gods sake, I CONSENTED. Then again I think I’d notice if someone I was having sex with was unresponsive to everything?! I don’t want to say I was raped if that’s not what it was I guess I just want support. Its only recently started hitting me and I don’t know how to process this. I feel lost..
The question that needs to be answered here:
Please leave your thoughts in comments
Is it considered rape if we are incapacitated? Is it still rape if we return in the aftermath?
2. “I felt obligated to participate and didn’t want to be the one to ruin everyone’s night”
“I’m 21 and before yesterday I had practically no experience sexually.”
U/Nyquilfever
Here’s some background information. I’m 21 and before yesterday I had practically no experience sexually. So last night I went out for drinks with one my closest friends, her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend(let’s call them a,b and c). I had around five drinks and four shots but I didn’t feel drunk whatsoever, which is weird because I’m really small and kind of a lightweight. (I think it’s because of my antidepressants)
Anyways, we ended up leaving the bar and going to an arcade but left a half hour later. It was about two in the morning at this point when C suggests that we all go to his music studio/apartment to chill and watch movies, to which I agreed because I really didn’t want to go home yet. So we go there and throw on a movie and shortly after my close friend A leaves to go home because they were feeling a little off. Not long after that B and C start making out beside me on the couch and I felt very awkward and anxious about being there since i wasn’t close to B and barely knew her boyfriend C. Eventually they stop and we continue watching the movie for maybe five minutes before they’re at it again. Only this time C kept trying to kiss me and started groping me, eventually he succeeded and B got involved too. I said a few no’s here and there because i was extremely uncomfortable but I don’t think i made it very clear that i didn’t want to, so they kept doing things to me. I sort of panicked a little(I’m very awkward and have a lot of social anxiety) and just went with it because firstly I didn’t know how to properly tell them that i didn’t want to, but also because i felt obligated to participate and didn’t want to be the one to ruin everyone’s night.
It continued off and on for a few hours and I just felt trapped in this situation that I had put myself in. At one point they had completely undressed me and turned off the lights, so I couldn’t see very well and had a hard time telling apart B and C’s hands. C gets naked and i was insistent that I didn’t want his dick touching me at all considering the fact that they both knew I’m not into men. As all of this was going on they were teasing me about being awkward and shy which only made my discomfort worse. And then C pushes inside of me which was incredibly painful because I’m very small, luckily that part only lasted like thirty seconds because B knew that C wasn’t listening to my protests and she told him to stop, so he did. We went to bed shortly after all snuggled together on this tiny couch and I really just wanted to go home, but I’m stupid and stayed. I didn’t sleep at all but whenever B and C would start doing things again I pretended to be asleep. then around 9am this morning they woke up and I said I wanted to go home, but they started getting sexual with me again and like before I didn’t know how to say no.
They both yanked my clothes off and it started all over again. This lasted until almost two in the afternoon and shortly after they drove me home. I still have a lot of mixed emotions about this and I’m honestly really confused about how I feel about what had happened. I ended up texting A about it even though B (her best friend) told me that A would kill her if she found out. A convinced me to talk to B about what happened and tell her about my side of the experience. B responded with “I’m sorry we didn’t realize you were uncomfortable but if you don’t say anything about not wanting to then bad things will happen.”
A is really pissed with B and insists that I was raped. But I’m not sure if it really counts because I didn’t make it very clear that I wasn’t into it, so I feel like it’s my fault for putting myself in that situation. At this point I’m not sure what to do but I really don’t want to tell my family and other friends that this happened.
The question that needs to be answered here:
Leave your thoughts in the comment section
Is it rape if we can’t raise our voice? Did she consent?
3. “Am I over reacting?”
“Would it be considered rape if I enjoyed it after? If I did it again?” “I don’t know what to think”
U/Baggedbones
He is a little over twice my age; I’m in my 20s. He is a professional in his field, and is good at his job which involves manipulation, confidence, and research. We have been together for over a year now. I used to be on BC, but got off due to severe infections like yeast and BV. Ever since I got off BC, my body is very prone to these infections. It has been a year since I got off BC.
This man (40’s) and I (20’s) have been engaging in unprotected intercourse for the past year. I prefer it, and so does he. It has always been conseual.
I’m not on any birth control, and am not a fan of Plan B or prescriptions because of the amount of damage it does to my body. My boyfriend loves having sex while I’m on my period because he can ejaculate inside of me. I hate that. I will allow it sometimes if I’m feeling up for it, but most of the time, I won’t let him, and he respects that. I have noticed also, that when he does ejaculate inside of me, I am more prone to Yeast Infections and BV. This could happen due to pure chance, but I doubt that.
It has been a little over a week since we last got intimate with each other, and I was on my period. Before we started having sex, I told him I wanted to use a condom in order to test my theory about his sperm being the factor in my infections. He told me if we were going to be using condoms, then we won’t be having sex at all.
A few more minutes of discussing that, he decided to put on a condom anyway. We started having sex for maybe about 2 minutes before he took it off, and tried to have sex with me without a condom. I pushed him away and said no a few times, before he forced it in.
We were having unprotected sex and he “accidentally” came inside of me.
Afterwards, he went to take a shower, and I was left thinking and almost crying over what happened. I couldn’t really process it. I didn’t know what to think. I was debating whether or not to leave while he was in the shower, because I felt a little uncomfortable and weird.
He came out of the shower, and I was still there on the bed. We discussed him ejaculating inside of me, but he reassured me it was by accident and he tried really hard not to. It could have been an accident, but I think it’s very convenient for him to have this “accidentally” happen when I’m on my period (since he strongly and falsely believes I won’t get pregnant if I’m on my period).
I let it go and we spent the next few hours cuddling and hanging out. We then had sex again and I asked him, again, not to cum inside of me. He did it again, and said he already did it once, so the second time won’t make a difference.
After I left to go to school, I felt a little disgusting. I tried to hold off thinking about it for a while.
Yesterday, (over a week since that happened) I was coming from work and broke down in my car. I was thinking about what really took place that day and I couldn’t help but think that maybe I was taken advantage of. It came out of nowhere, the memory just rushed to me and I had a breakdown. I guess I was trying hard to not think about it, and go about like everything was okay between us.
I called him during this breakdown and asked him what he thought. He said I was just upset because he accidentally came inside of me… “so upset that you consensually agreed to fuck me again an hour later..” He said I was overreacting and nothing happened that I didn’t want to happen. I was trying to explain to him how I was feeling, and he hung up on me, and avoided communication with me. I texted him and he finally wrote back, but now he is currently avoiding communication with me.
I haven’t talked to anyone about this. It is honestly a little embarrassing. I don’t even fully know what to think of it. I did say no to unprotected sex, but I did still enjoy it.. and I did still do it again after it happened. Am I overreacting? I am not in any way trying to discredit other women/men who have gone through this. I am not sure if this even fully counts as what I’m thinking about. I know there are people who actually are victims and suffer a lot. I guess I just want to hear different views on this.
The question that needs to be asked here:
Leave your thoughts in the comment section
Is it rape if we consented to sex but not the transmission of bodily fluids?
4. “My friends think it was rape but I just think I wasn’t stern enough”
“He definitely heard me say no. He actually mocked me when I did it. I’d go, “no” and he’d reply “noooo?”
U/sentespri
I’m insanely conflicted on something that happened about a week ago. I’m not emotionally scarred or anything, but I’m also pretty immune to most things (including mental pain). I(18F) went to a friend’s (19M), ( we’ll call him Dave) house about a week ago to help him clean his room. His father had died and it threw him into some pretty deep depression, so I thought that I’d help him pick up his room. I remember how bad it got for me at one point. After cleaning for two hours, our other friend(17M) had someone come up. He was my ride home and I basically was stranded at Dave’s house. A few days before this happened, Dave had been sending some pretty odd texts asking for back rubs and stuff and I was curving every single one in the most polite way possible. I would reply with things like “haha why not ask [our other friend] for one?”, things like that. I thought he got the hint, but apparently not. I have trouble saying no, I always have. So I agreed to give him a back rub and things quickly turned into him kissing me. Initially I was fine with this, but he started to get on top of me and I said no. Although my “no” wasn’t really stern, it was soft. He kept going and I just kind of rolled with it.
Eventually he started trying to stick his hands down my pants, in which I did the same thing. A soft no. He kept going and I had to use all of my strength to pull his hand away from me. This happened about 5 times and the entire time I was saying no, but like I said, I can’t really muster up the courage to be stern and strong about it, so they were soft no’s. Eventually I ended up having to push him off me (which took a lot, he is bigger and stronger than me and I literally had to tip him off me with my legs). I jumped off the bed right after and stood in his doorway to avoid him from pulling me back down (like he had done twice already). I was shaken by everything right after. He ended up driving me home a few minutes later. I don’t think this is that big of a deal, and even if I was uncomfortable I genuinely believe it could’ve been stopped if I had been able to shout no rather than just say it. I told a couple friends about it and they’re all extremely concerned, but I just feel like he didn’t know he was doing anything wrong. I’m just wondering if they’re making a big deal out of nothing, or if I’m trying to blame myself to make it easier?
The question that needs to be asked here:
Leave your thoughts in the comment section
Does the “tone” in which we say no make a difference in regards to consent?
5. “Was it rape?”
“I have a couple of incidents with my (now ex) boyfriend that I’m not sure what to call them.”
U/pifordaysss
The first one was a time when my boyfriend and I were having sex without a condom. I was on birth control but I was still a little bit nervous about doing it without the condom and asked him not to cum inside me. He promised to pull out, but when the time came, he didn’t pull out. I felt violated but I’m not sure if this can be considered rape.
The second is a time we were having sex and he was going at it really hard. It started to hurt and I told him to stop, I even used our safe word. He told me the safe word was only for when I really mean it and kept going. I didn’t fight him off, I let him keep going even though it hurt but I started to burst into tears and only then did he stop.
I’ve been really feeling down about this, not sure if I could call this rape, and then if I could call it rape then coping with the fact that I’ve been raped. I don’t even know what I would do, it was so long ago and we don’t even speak anymore. Any advice?
The question that needs to be asked here:
Pleasr leave your thoughts in the comment section
Is it considered rape if it’s our significant other?
