By Lucille Alabaster
If the Bible had been written by witches, hustlers, and high priestesses—
it wouldn’t be about sin.
It’d be about strategy.
About survival, seduction, power, and prophecy.
It would tell you how to turn water into wine, but also how to turn poverty into power, pain into spells, and scripture into street codes.
This is your remix.
Not King James.
Queen Sh*t.
Genesis: In the Beginning Was the Hustle
“Let there be light,”
is another way of saying:
“Let them see me shine.”
The Garden of Eden? A trap.
The apple? A red pill.
The serpent? A teacher.
Eve didn’t fall—she woke up.
She bit the truth and gave birth to clarity.
Exodus: Escape with Elegance
Moses parting the sea?
That’s glamour magic and water divination.
You ever split a room with your presence?
You’ve done the same.
Pharaoh is the system.
You are the plagues.
Psalms: The Original Affirmations
David wasn’t just a king.
He was a lyricist with trauma.
The Psalms are poetic spellwork—
crying to the divine in metaphors that still shake the soul.
“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow…”
is hood for:
“I walk with death on my heels, but I’m protected.”
Gospels: The Witchcraft of Jesus
Jesus was an alchemist.
He multiplied food.
He raised the dead.
He cast out spirits.
He rolled with sex workers and street preachers.
He was crucified not for miracles—
but for radical redistribution of divine power.
Revelation: A Vision or a Veil Lifted?
Apocalypse doesn’t mean destruction.
It means unveiling.
Revelation is a spell for sight.
And the beast?
It’s the system that feeds on fear and profit.
The mark?
It’s not on your hand.
It’s in your algorithm.
What Happens When We Rewrite the Word?
- Women become prophets, not punishments
- The poor inherit more than just heaven
- Magic becomes holy again
- Survival becomes scripture
- And hustlers become high priests
You were never meant to beg at the altar.
You were meant to build one in your image.
“I didn’t lose my faith. I just reclaimed my language.”
—Lucille Alabaster
